


Did You Know?

by vaderina



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, M/M, Percival is sceptical, The aurors love Newt, chuck norris facts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 14:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13460403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaderina/pseuds/vaderina
Summary: Facts fly around the aurors' bullpen about Newt which Percival is hard pressed to believe.





	Did You Know?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the brilliant Fantastic Beasts Calendar.
> 
> Beta read by the amazing fantastikobskurials. Thank you for your help!

Rumours were usually hyped up gossip with a potential kernel of truth that was so blown out of proportion that every shred of credibility was buried under layers of lies. That was why Percival had decided to ignore everything he heard being whispered around the watercooler about Newt Scamander. He buried his face in his coffee and tried to ignore the latest batch of time-filling fodder.

“I heard he had a staring contest with a sphinx,” O’Brien said in awe. “And he won.”

Percival could only roll his eyes and left the room to muttered exclamations of awe and disbelief. He’d not personally met the redhead but he’d seen the files and read the reports - there was nothing special about the man other than becoming the unwitting centre of ridiculous jokes.  This opinion did not change when he laid eyes on the man who awkwardly loped through the office to answer his summons.

“Mr. Scamander.” Percival eyed the man who stood opposite his desk. “Please, take a seat.”

“Thank you Director Graves.”

The meeting was short by most standards, less than an hour, and Percival was left with the distinct impression that the man opposite him got by mostly on luck (be that good or bad really depended on viewpoint) and the ability to make himself endearing enough to most unsuspecting fools that they’d pull him out of any mess he’s embroiled in. If he’d won a staring contest with a sphinx then Percival was the departmental Fairy Godmother. At lunch time Newt was nowhere in sight but that didn’t mean the rumours weren’t flying afresh.

“The younger Goldstein told me she heard from Abernathy who heard from Franklin down in the portkey office that the guy who came over the other week who works with Newt’s brother told Red that Newt sang a duet with a siren once and seduced the siren.”

Percival shook his head and pursed his lips. Absolutely ridiculous, these idiots were meant to be able to detect a lie or an exaggeration and differentiate it from the truth. Maybe they need retraining, Percival thought.

From then on he began to see more of Newt in the department. He always looked a little windswept, disorganised and like he’d just tumbled out of a fight with a large hay bale. Given what he knew about the man, Percival thought he probably wasn’t far off with that assessment. However, Newt always seemed to have a smile and a nice word to say about everybody and Percival really couldn’t begrudge him his cheery presence. Whenever Newt was around, the aurors seemed happier, even though the rumour mill lit up with more outrageous ideas. Idly, Percival wondered what Newt would say if he ever found out about the “facts” the aurors passed around.

“Newt’s quite the heart throb. I heard he’s got a selkie who sends him love letters and even sent him her skin.”

“That’s nothing. His dancing is so good he could seduce an erumpent. And they’re picky when it comes to mates.”

Percival shook his head in despair. That was an incident he actually knew the details of. As much as Newt’s dancing was enticing to an erumpent in rut, it was also his use of erumpent scents that lured the beast to him. Nothing about the story backed up the aurors’ view that Newt was exceptional. While he couldn’t personally comment on the selkie business, Percival very much doubted that it was as simple as Newt being an irresistible heartthrob. If he were, Percival himself should already be throwing himself at the man after all.

Things didn’t get easier after meeting Newt. The rumours continued in whispers and not-so-secretive gossip. Percival was fairly certain that at no point in his life did Newt give a look like a disappointed parent to the basilisk that wanted to eat him. He even said as much to Newt after one of their semi-regular departmental meetings. To his surprise Newt just laughed delightedly.

“One of your aurors may have seen me scold Albert actually. He’s always trying to steal more meat from my feeding bucket. Poor chap lives in my case most of the time but I like to give him a stretch in my office if I can – he’s blind but still gets bored from the monotony of the case.” Newt explained easily and proceeded to launch into a lecture on how a basilisk’s eye sight is actually quite poor but their sense of smell makes up for all they can’t see. Percival lost the thread of his thoughts when Newt began wondering about giving them glasses and how one would attach it to a snake’s head when they have no ears.

The almost infamous story about Newt’s afternoon tea party with some mountain trolls had almost become the stuff of legends by the time it filtered back to Percival. He just scoffed at the idea because he had been there and it wasn’t afternoon tea with mountain trolls. No, instead Newt held a training seminar for security trolls on how to be more vigilant, complete with grunting exercises and sensitivity enhancing club swings. How his aurors got the gossip so far from the truth was beyond Percival, perhaps he ought to put on more training in vigilance and fact checking for his team.

When the rumour about Newt enjoying the melodies of a fwooper aria in his spare time went round (and Percival would like it known that actually Newt likes to just stand at the entrance of his shack and listen to all his creatures after a stressful day – he should know, they’ve done it together before) it was time that Percival corrected a few misconceptions.

“The time Newt got stung by a billywig he cursed so much that he made a jarvey blush.” Percival nodded sagely into his coffee after he imparted such important information to his naïve aurors. He watched with delight as some of his aurors immediately sprang to the defence of Newt’s purity. Their Newt would never swear. Never curse out a creature. (Little did they know how much Newt could swear if provoked.)

Time plodded along but the rumours continued to race by and Percival felt a mixture of outrage and amusement. The more he got to know Newt, the better he understood where the rumours had started from.

“He has a vegetarian flesh-eating slug in his case.” In actual fact, Newt had an injured streeler that had had its shell cracked and peeled away by some poachers.

“I heard Newt keeps a puffskein up his sleeve – he’s trained it to attack on command. A puffskein, would you believe it?” That was Henry the swooping evil, a rather friendly thing who occasionally spent the day in Percival’s sleeve because he felt like it.

Sometimes Percival felt the need to add to the rumours a little, fan the flames and boost Newt’s admirers’ infatuation.

“He tamed a nundu, she’s as sweet as a housecat and loves belly rubs.” Percival announced from behind a group of huddling aurors who were debating whether Newt really featured in the Yeti Weekly’s annual edition as one of the most eligible bachelors.

“He gives unicorns dirty thoughts,” someone said over lunch. Wisely, Percival held his tongue and didn’t say anything about him being the unicorn in reality.

It was getting beyond ridiculous and Percival started todelight in the gossip. He’d started making notes of the better ones and taking them home to Newt. For reasons beyond explanation, Newt seemed especially tickled by the idea of him using a lethifold as a blanket at night (Percival was much more snuggly and warm for that).

All things considered Percival should have seen it coming really. He was getting another coffee when he saw Newt in the kitchen, approaching the oblivious aurors (situational awareness training was automatically added to their list of compulsory seminars). They were muttering about whether when a boggart saw Newt it turned into its own nightmare or not. Newt easily joined the periphery of the group and cleared his throat to impart a strange and wonderful fact before he left with an easy smile to the stunned silence of everyone else.

“I heard he bedded the Director of Magical Security at MACUSA,” Newt grinned. “Repeatedly.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr - @ladyoftheshrimp


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